I'm a guy, so I'm genetically conditioned to all but break wind on command. Or depending on my agenda for the day, I will tailor what I eat so that I can make the worst gas possible so I can stink everyone out of any given space.

This was especially true back in my touring days. There is no hotter, more cramped, and inappropriate place than a small van with six dudes in it. And worse, when I would let one go, I would lock the windows, so no one could roll them down to get any relief. Sure it's mean. But I never, ever did it if there was a female in the vehicle. My mom taught me that one golden rule: Don't fart in front of women. Well, at least not til you're married.

You can imagine, naturally, when I saw this ad on Craigslist, that maybe my spirit animal lived in southern Maine, and was shopping for bananas. But, like all goods things, the farts appear to be farce. A few years back in 2013, an almost identical ad appeared on Craigslist in Seattle. Like, almost word for word. The exception being they guy waved away the fart with bread instead of bananas.

Here's the ad in yesterday's Maine Craigslist:

You were the hot brunette with curves that farted near the bananas this weekend. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied "No... Wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted that I asked you that. As the stink grew, you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving a couple of bananas around. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful, and even though you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I would love to meet up for a drink sometime.

And here's a transcript from another website of the ad in Seattle in 2013:

Screenshot via Cranium.net
Screenshot via Cranium.net

I get it, we all wanna be famous in some small way, and whomever posted this probably got what they were looking for, which is for saps like me to write about they're stupid ad and make them feel like internet stars in their own minds for a few minutes. It's right up there with people that start the dumb messages on Facebook about copy and paste this or that, or else you'll be hacked, or Facebook will delete your account, or whatever.

The only saving grace of the whole thing, is that for a solid five minutes, I believed it. So that means, once again, I was wildly entertained at work. Proving that even at my age, there is NOTHING funnier than farts.

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