We've all heard the variations before, trying to describe just how scared we were, in relation to which bodily function failed us. Oh, it scared the crap out of me, or perhaps I peed myself I was so scared. But at the Kenduskeag Haunted House, they take this whole concept pretty seriously.

They will go out of their way to scare your bodily fluids out of your body. Hate clowns? Pennywise will be your guide? Particularly jumpy? They will single you out to be scared the most in your group. They'll grab you, scream at you, and all-around terrify you if they can. Because their ultimate goal is to make you whiz yourself.

Most businesses would assume that a lot of people showing up, and giving them their money would be a pretty good indicator if they're doing their job right. Not these folks. If someone doesn't wet themselves over the course of a night, they feel like they've failed you somehow.

Wendy Cousins, a resident of Kenduskeag, and member of the Haunted House planning committee said this to the BDN:

If one person pees their pants, that’s pretty good. If two pee their pants, then we know we did great. If we get more than five in a night, that’s amazing.

I'm not sure if making five people pee themselves in one night is specifically a goal I've ever had, for any reason, but I see their point. And what a thing to brag about later! You have definitely achieved a solid niche status at that point.

Sure one person in another town might brag, "We had 350 show up to our haunted house!" Yet someone from Kenduskeag might come back with, "Yeah, but how may wet themselves?"

At any rate, it doesn't take a wiz to figure out that Kenduskeag seems to have a steady stream of followers, that I'm sure will keep flowing strongly for years to come. It's what makes them #1, right?

Ugh, sorry.