‘Pee Pee Bandit’ In The Night Terrorizes Mainers In Auburn

A prostate pervert in his 30s has been approaching young women in the Auburn area, only to happily pee his pants before dripping off into the night.

One would normally find this odd. But, it's 2020.

According to an article in the Sun Journal, these instances in Auburn have been happening for a while, mostly around Center Street, and the newspaper has dubbed the perpetrator the Pee Pee Bandit. Although, whomever this Wet Willie may be he's not really stealing anything but actually leaving puddles behind.

In one scary episode, Sir Piss-A-Lot drove up behind two young women while they were in their car on Center Street one Saturday night.

"He then proceeded to pass us in the other lane and get in front of our car." one woman said. "Once we proceeded onto Mechanics Row, he stopped his car in the middle of the small one-way road, which was not very well lit other than our headlights, and proceeded to exit his vehicle, staggering towards our car. He had parked his car in such a way that it was impossible to drive around him to escape the situation. He then proceeded to look directly at us and urinate in his pants."

Now that ladies and gentlemen is an accomplishment. That's exactly why his mama and daddy went through all the trouble of birthing, raising, and now more than likely supporting Mr. Drippy Pants in his later years.  Although, there's really no doubt that his parents received an F in toilet training.

"My first instinct was that he was having some sort of health issue based on how he was clutching his abdomen," the young woman said. "We sat in utter disbelief and shock when he finally ‘relieved’ himself about 10 feet in front of us."

Then like a man without an outhouse, The Prince of All Pee got back into his car and sped off into the night, apparently both relieved and highly satisfied with his accomplishment after another successful night out in Auburn.

Hopefully Mr. Tinkle-Toes has leather seats, although more than likely, he doesn't care.