Paris Hilton Signs Record Deal

Why music gods? WHY!?

Paris Hilton made the announcement she has signed onto Lil Wayne's Young Money Records. She says she's going to release a house album. Prepare yourself, the album is coming this summer.

Paris joins lablemates Drake and Nicki Minaj. It's rumored that dutch producer Afrojack has been doing all the work helping her with the album. She's been seen in many of his Youtube videos and have been rumored to be dating. However, it looks like Afrojack is dating DJ Bambi, currently.

Paris also is rumored to be setting up a residency gig in the EDM capital of the world Ibiza. REALLY!? From the few videos I've seen of her DJing she is using a premixed track (probably done for her) twisting random knobs on her mixer and dancing. She was booed terribly at her first gig in Brazil.

I'm pretty sure I can out spin her live, blindfolded, without headphones, all while being attacked by a police dog. Deadmau5 simply responded to the announcement with 'The Mayans saw this $h*t coming.'

I'm going to curl up in a ball and cry now...