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Katy Perry Farts in Front of Robert Pattinson…Which Means They Are Not Dating

Katy Perry Robert Pattinson Farting
Frazer Harrison / Mike Windle, Getty Images

Katy Perry rips farts in front of Robert Pattinson, the dreamy actor who played Edward Cullen in the ‘Twilight’ saga. That’s her unassailable proof that’s she’s not dating him. Her hard, fast rule when dating is that she doesn’t break wind in front of her BFs.

Ah, so John Mayer and Russell Brand have never caught a whiff of Perry’s gas, but Pattinson has!

Shouldn’t the reverse be true, then? You love someone so much that you can blast a healthy one in front of ’em and they still feel the same, right?

Perry revealed her warped logic, saying, “OK, so here’s the proof there was never anything going on with me and Robert Pattinson. I fart in front of him. Properly fart. And I never, ever fart in front of a man I am dating. That’s a rule.”

A proper fart, huh? That must be pretty rancid.

But wait. What if Perry ate something that didn’t agree with her and got bad gas while driving home from the restaurant, causing her to rip one? Does she hold it in and wait until it’s safe? Isn’t that toxic?

We’re waaaay overthinking this.

Perry did further explain why nothing romantical is going on with R. Pattz, saying, “He’s my bud, I’m like his big sister. We just hang out. The other day, I said: ‘One of the things I’m most proud of is not sleeping with you, Robert.’ And that’s true.”

That means she probably did sleep with him, since the lady doth protest too much. Plus, that’s not much to be proud of — most women on the planet haven’t slept with Robert Pattinson.

Next: Vote Katy Perry for Best Aristocratic Wig!

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