Hello again. I'm not going to even begin to pretend that I wasn't VERY nervous after I posted my last blog.

Spilling my guts like that opened myself up to all sorts of feedback, the good and the bad. Luckily, everyone has been super supportive.

I do think it's important I point out something that's obvious to me, but maybe not so obvious to some of you. Making the decision to have a gastric bypass at 19, was in no way the easy way out. Every day is a battle. Sometimes I feel like I have the Angel on one shoulder and Devil on the other. It's all about choices and balance.

I go to the gym.

I do my best to eat healthy most of the time.

I drink more beer than I should.

I order the fries sometimes, when I should go with the salad.

See? Nobody is perfect. For me the trick is to make sure the workout/salad days occur more often than the days I have beer and fries. Yesterday, I had a beer after work and this morning I woke up at 4:30 and went to the Bangor Y to get my sweat on. Right now, I'm drinking a Visalus shake for breakfast.

I know I am totally in control of how often I'm active and what foods I put into my body. This is my body. My choices.

My choice to have Dr. Branch and Dr. Harrington help me feel more comfortable with myself is just another one of those choices, a choice I am super excited about.

Don't get me wrong, I'm nervous too.

Having a big surgery like I'm going to have has risks and I'm sure a lot of pain. It will be totally worth it though. I know I'm in good hands. I'm not the first weight loss patient they've seen by any means and I know I won't be the last.

I'm so thankful for Dr. Branch and Dr. Harrington. I feel like they truly understand how I feel inside of this body. I feel trapped. All I want is to feel the same on the outside as I do on the inside. I know I see myself differently than my friends and family see me. I get it. I'm not ugly. I'm not huge. I just feel that way. I can't help how I feel.

I have six more weeks to carry around this shell of my former self. I wish I could hit fast forward. I'll be sharing more thoughts as they come to me.

In honor of #throwbackthursday here is me at my senior prom and high school graduation with my bffs!!! Crazy, huh?

Senior Prom and Graduation. One year before bypass.